YeshuaAgapao.com Blog

I think it is consistent with me. A lot of things that is that is more than 2 stereotyped brain-lobes away works poorly. Hearing and Vision coordinate well and also Hearing and Touch and Touch and Vision. Motor Coordination and any of the senses don’t work well together except maybe vestibular sensations (My gross motor coordination sucks and my fine motor coordination is mediocre). Anything emotional doesn’t synchronize well – they want to dominate or are suppressed. If I get analytical, most low-level emotions cease (still there; just not getting any CPU or bandwidth). Also low-function and any higher-functions don’t communicate well, which is probably why i can get boners and feel sexual pleasure without it broadcasting through all the higher brain to say go flirt or go screw. Reasoning and motor work ok together, and motor and touch work pretty well together also. I can fly airplanes (unofficial never spent money to get lessons/license), scuba dive, and drive. I am week with processing multiple sensory sources at once though.? That handicaps my ability in sports far more than my ability to drive but it affects that but I seem to have developed work-arounds from years of riding a bicycle in traffic. Vestibular sense (motion), and peripheral vision are my fastest senses (primary vision is really slow) for interfacing with ‘intuitive processes’ or ‘primal functions’.

Though I may be auditory, it is strictly on processing of external sensory information, short-term memory, and rote memorization. I think I am fairly visual when just thinking without much sensory input. I do think, for internal thinking or on memories, but not for external live-sensory streams, that I coordinate visual and auditory (sound context not just spoken language) very well, but communication there is only 1 brain-lobe away (temporal->occipital). I know can’t form complex visualizations that well because there just isn’t enough bandwidth. I can visualize simple to moderate complexity objects without a backdrop or a scenic view visualized like somebody who needs glasses but doesn’t wear them very well. I know many sources (DIY tests, psychology teachers) say I am right brained, so I probably would excel in music pretty well because my dominant sense is auditory. But I also know I can only do music well from memory or reading off a sheet. I have little ability in synchronizing with an external source (banging drums in synch with a group without previous knowledge) though. I also know that listening to music blocks my ability to visualize unless it is in relation to the music, like synchronize waves and colors (I have control it is not uncontrolled) – with low detail and rounded-off accuracy but still correlated – with the music. I can visualize (including un-related things) well while playing a song internally in my head from memory though. I can’t do lightning calculator math with visual symbols or auditory beeps and blips. I excel overall in comparisons, relationships, non-linear problem solving, inter-networked recognition bits, and low long-term memory decay (once its been in there for days to weeks). The real-world Rain-Man mixes autistic memory and thought patters with a genuine full photographic memory that is independent but mutual with his autism.

I also think I am different when very drunk or very high. I adapt to slowing brain functions very well because things are already slow at least on sensory or when things have to dart from opposite ends of the brain. My drunk behavior is loud, nosey, and super-hyper-analytical. If being super-high on weed (marijuana) makes me feel spinning, it doesn’t affect my vision or balance. I just feel the spinning. One time I got so high that spinning made me throw up, but I cleaned up after it while still high!! Booze slows down the entire brain.? Weed (in light-moderate dosage) seems to supress the entire brain but then enhance right-brain visualization ability and general creativity.? Also the Dentist, when I had my wisdom teeth taken out, had to check my eyes to see if the Nitrous Oxide (N2O) was in my system because my behavior wasn’t being affected enough. N2O did nothing to make me less anxious and it actually affect very little of my higher functions, and it made me feel the needle 3 times in the same area of the tooth he was targeting (3 pricks really close to each other), but the nitrous oxide N2O certainly FEELS GOOD though (weed and booze do too). I guess it is from autism limiting communication between lower and higher brain functions (limbic system<-->cerebral cortex) and maybe also the over-compartmentalized other parts of the brain.

The guy in the article was fixated on the sounds and fury of breaking glass. I seem to have a similar fixation with Emule. It started when I learned how to copy disks on the commodore 64 in 6th grade small-classroom (I taught a kid named wesley how to rip-off pacman and star trek to take home even under the supervision of a very disciplinary teacher, Mr. Thorely) and I was teaching all my computer literate peers how to copy their games and give them away to friends. The obsession didn’t manifest much because disks and disk drives were too expensive and I knew at most a half a dozen computer literate kids in school at that time.

Nothing really revisited until high school when my father let me get grubby hands onto an ‘extra’ government laptop, which was a Compaq-286 with VGA (which was laptop-greyscale but it played tank wars and other VGA-only games), in 1990-1991. The hard drive had a bunch of encrypted data on it so and I was never supposed to be messing with the hard drive in the first place, but there was about 5-6MB of free space and I had free reign on the machine itself. I got my first true experience of ‘warez’ (but didn’t learn the term back then), when kids at school were copying games to each other left and right. I failed to make a significant contribution in terms of ‘uploading’ (giving out copies) to that scene because my mother was poor and my father had money but definitely wouldn’t fund any kind of hoarding related expenses especially video games. But I at least got some free disks (mostly from the school but some from the other kids) and filled them some cool games, most notably ‘Tank Wars’ (Bomb32), ‘Bar Games’, ‘PGA Tour Golf’, ‘GHL Hockey’, and ‘Dungeon Explorer’. I was always obsessive with video games but not the arcade ones but back then I would obsess on any friends’ arcade games because of lack of access because of combination of poverty (mother) and parental unwillingness to fund (Mother, Father x 3). It was the time when I got my first significant piracy rush because I was actually receiving and to a lesser extent giving free warez rather than just teaching people how to copy stuff. It was when a latent obsession with video games converged with an obsession with copying. Oh yeah I did get to help a kid rip-off CadKey from the machines in the drafting room (‘Basic Technical Drawing’), it was very liberal there. Kids were able to install the first soundblaster cards to come out into those machines. They were all IBM PS/2s with 286s in them. I was also utilizing the typing classroom’s computers the most to copy disks as they had 2 floppy disk drives instead of 1-floppy disk drive and a hard drive.

It was on this Compaq 286 though that I learned DOS and enhanced my programming skills (I initially learned programming on a VIC 20 in 3rd-4th grade then an Aquarius in 6th grade – then Apple IIe in 7th-8th grade). I was also running some wild unauthorized experiments both on the school (North Stafford High School) and my father’s ’spare’ government laptop and I learned much. Norton Wipe-Disk on the free space, Norton Speed Disk, setting file attributes on DOS. But the machine eventually got taken away as I spent more and more time playing games (Mostly Tank wars, Bar Games, and PGA Tour Golf) that I got as friend-to-friend warez (it wasn’t his to begin with) rather than learning more productive things such as OS-guru and programming or even hard-physics (my hardcore astrophysics spreadsheet started on First Choice then moved on to Professional Plan at Middletown High School). After losing the laptop I started lying about having detention (eventually I just started staying after school without saying anything) so I would be able to stay after school to play games until my dad found out and combined with constant miscommunication resulting in my dad waiting in the car too much, he just stopped bothering to pick me up at school at all. This small period of warez ended in the summer of 1991 when my dad gave me unlimited access to the Nintendo that he previously greatly limited use for ‘family time’.

That obsession got me to shut up about the laptop at school and to stop begging for free games, and best of all created limited motivation for me to get out of the house that wasn’t dependent on any social-life success. Once I got a Family Video membership card and I obsessed with Dragon Warrior, Dragon Warrior II, Ultima Quest of the Avatar, and Final Fantasy, I was doing all kinds of jobs for my father and then riding my bike up a steep hill on Richmond Road to go rent my video games. The LawnMowing of hill-graded lawns, Wheelbarrow Hauling up steep driveways from park reconstruction leftovers, and Bike Rides up the steep hill is what made my legs and calves huge initially – all for an obsession with video games combined with Dungeons and Dragons (RPG-video games). My big calves combined with previous online interactions with Mark Chung is what got me in the door for having Octavio Zambrono liking me and thus me getting to hang out with MLS teams all the time in 2000-2003 but that has nothing to do with emule other than the tangent-branch (Addiction to Nintendo -> Big Calves from work and transport to feed addiction -> Contribute to be able to hang out with metrostars as virtual team member / pet fan).

My Nintendo obsession was actually a merging of two obsessions – Video games that was latent and very intermittently fed since I was 6 and Dungeons and Dragons (and later, GURPs space, which merged my interest with Astronomy and Dungeons and Dragons) that started when I was living in Safford in 8th grade. My dad greatly suppressed my indulgence in Dungeons and Dragons, first preference as punishment for any grades slip-up and eventually taking away all my books until I ‘moved out’, which happened to be prior to graduation when I went to live with my Mother. The PnP games actually started getting me out of the house a little bit and resulted in a soccer tangent (I didn’t get interested in soccer until I was 16 when played ad-hoc soccer games on the 9th hole of the Aquia Harbor golf course), but the social connections largely failed and I was back staying inside the house just reading the D&D books. My father was greatly unaware that ‘Dragon Warrior’, and ‘Final Fantasy’, and ‘Ultima Quest of the Avatar’ was also ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ in concept. I would have leaned toward spending more time on the Nintendo Fantasy RPGs because of the lack of social requirement though I am perfectly capable of just reading D&D rulebooks (and later Star Wars and especially GURPs space which I found out by buying a used copy at a used bookstore at PlayTogs plaza when visiting my mother sometime winter 1990-1991) just by myself. So I had three separate mergers of obsessions at this stage of life — Video Games with ‘Copying’, Video Games with pnp RPGs (via Dungeons and Dragons) and Astronomy/Spaceships with pnp RPGs (via GURPs Space), creating three stronger obsessions from four weaker ones (Though the D&D obsession was the strongest of the 4, then Video Games).

Once I was living with my mother after thanksgiving 1991, nothing was really eventful in regards to piracy or filesharing until 1996. My D&D and Nintendo addiction was fed provided that I got a job and funded it myself. RPGs and my Nintendo games were my sole motivations to get a job. My mother didn’t intervene unfairly much at all. My soccer interest grew a bit to get me to be a 3-sport athlete in high school but it did not get strong enough to earn anything more than absolute bare bones self-funding. I became a Christian in this time period. Some warped beliefs from D&D (I started believing in the 1st edition AD&D multiverse pathology and planes of existence as real) were corrected but my interest stayed an I never got rid of any books and such. D&D combined with movies and my mom’s indulgence in bhagwan and meditation and the mental/spiritual aspects of martial arts has given me a heightened knowledge and awareness of supernatural and magical things but It was kept rational by my (no longer really obsessive) interest in science and my supernatural knowledge and interests have little to do with my Emule obsession, except maybe a small percentage of my motivation to share bibles and are by no means obsessive.

What did contribute to my obsession with Emule, though is both my father taking away my D&D and Star Wars books (The GURPs space book escaped his attention because it don’t look very D&Dish or gamey) until I moved out and my mother taking away my Mythus books for several months, giving them back only on promise of going to a ‘meditation camp’ which resulted in me being on probation for 3 years when I lost major control of anger when it came time to keep that promise (I just ‘yessed’ her to get my stuff back). The Mythus book incident is probably more impact-full than my dad with the D&D and star wars books because I was far more obsessed with Mythus than I did with AD&D though it was largely unchallenged, plus add the fact that I bought the books myself on my job money and they weren’t parental or relative gifts or hand-outs. The impact from my father taking the books until I moved out is that I did manage to find where he ’stashed’ the books and I photocopied as much as I could out of them. Plus I had support of a borrowed Dungeons Masters Guide, which my father took, along with ‘most’ but not all of my photocopied pages when he found out I was pilfering into the ‘taken books stash’. The ‘most’ only excluded the 2nd or 3rd copies i made of critical tables and charts I needed to create and modify characters. My GURPs Space book still escaped his attention, but it got stolen at school about a month after my father’s re-taking away of my books. Emule, DVD burners, Easy access to PCs, and Cheap blank DVD would have bypassed both my mother and father’s discipline as I would be able just to make copies faster than they could take it away provided they don’t resort to other, worse punishments such as getting kicked out of the house. Emule and DVD burners would beat photocopying anytime. Hey Emule itself can out-copy multiple FBI search warrants!!!, if the file spreads… Not even the FBI can take away my favorite books if they spread sufficiently on emule!. Emule would ‘back up’ my hoard favorites that other people like enough even to withstand a year or two in jail!!

Now the Big Warez Rush started when I got on the Internet. There was a delay. I got online in 1996 but I didn’t become aware of warez sites until 1997. The sites were good back then when they were mostly about free stuff and not profit from porn and gambling. I got regged versions of virtually all my favorite gamez and appz at the time (I had little access and awareness of anything commercial back then because of lack of $$$). I think my first commercial warez download was ‘Mortal Kombat II’. I didn’t get too obsessed, until I found the ROMs. Then I went nuts and got very obsessive because my obsession with copying merged with my obsession with Dragon Warrior, Final Fantasy and like games. The addiction was moderate at the time, and sustained all the way through when I graduated from SUNY Tech in 1999. Making my own website and spamming to get traffic to my site and having the traffic actually come has boosted the obsession enough to get me into trouble majorly at school though – Got my residential port disconnected and my on-campus unix-account access disabled for the remainder of the semester for a combination of newsgroup spam (probably 50%), running ads on the site to exploit the traffic (25%) and the links to Warez and ROM sites on my website (25%)

Things were quiet piracy and copying-wise from when I graduated SUNY Tech in 1999 until a very delayed indulgence in Napster when I started at Jobing.com in 2001. I was instantly hooked on Napster. All my favorite songs for free and anything and everything was available. The addiction was regulated because It was ONLY music. No ROMs No books No games. I was actually very delayed into getting into Napster. It came out in 1999. I first heard of it in 2000 and I didn’t get into it until 2001 because of my bad experiences with HotLine which requires social connections to get much and I thought they were similar. I was introduced to HotLine in 1998 about. Napster was shut down with within 2 months of me getting into it. In 2002 I finally warmed up to Kazaa.. It was slow and unstable. I mostly only used it to get ROMs after GB-extreme got shut down and I used it a little bit for music. Then in 2004 I warmed up to EMULE!!! It is the best! It combines my obsession with copying, and all my other major obsessions (Video Games, Astronomy / Spaceships / SciFi, Dungeons & Dragons / RPGs), anxiety relief of things being taken away, and just flat out GREED!!! I actually first heard of Emule in 2003 from CodecGuide.com – Home of the K-Lite codec pack, which I found on google looking for a codec, but I didn’t’ warm-up to it until May 2004. I am totally obsessed with Emule and I’m keeping my Emule and Other than the computer itself, my data hoard, and my book (paper) hoard, it is probably tied for 3rd (with my paper book hoard) for my most valuable possession group / service / freedom. Actually, because of laptops and Emule and Cellphone Modems, probably 65% of my overall ‘comfort zone’ will fit in a backpack

As to getting any of the benefits of the guy in the link waaaay up there, I probably won’t get any of it. My mother is on disability, but still independent, but unable to provide much anymore and will soon need to be provided for. I’ve been out of the ’system’ since I went to live with my father in Safford in 1989 and have a poor view of the ’system’ and a ‘isolate and pamper’ system (in east coast) or ‘try quick-fix; lock-away and forget if it don’t work’ (in AZ). So if I run into excessively difficulties and I lose access to the Internet to bypass my social limitations (mostly via pseudo-spam networking), I would quickly become homeless, jailed, or institutionalized as the Internet (not Emule – just the web though I majorly abuse my privileges with Emule and I’m not going to stop without a major threat that I think I won’t be likely to be able to cheat around), combined with my frugal nature and good planning, research and shopping skills (when no people are needed) is largely what makes me independent. I think its best-friends, not Emule or the Internet that makes me better-function as an autistic person though, but I haven’t had an active best-friend since 1996. Actually I haven’t made any new local friends since I was living independently. Numerous acquaintances and in-between MLS-Player friends, but no real friends. But I am very contented by my computer and Emule and Video games that I don’t worry about it. Emule/Internet and my fulfillment of greed for information and data is equivalent to weed and more intense sensory and mental indulgences from video games is my booze (Video game addiction actually keeps me off of real booze because it is a mental-downer both while being drunk beyond a buzz and during the hangover which is largely mental depression over a day or two); Money stinginess and health concerns (mostly ‘brain fry’ / bad for computer / video games) largely keeps me off of real-weed and other drugs. Emule / Web is weed. Video Games are booze. The web is a major crutch. Best friends and the paper yellow pages are minor crutches. Best friends are the best treatment, if one can connect to anyone (and I’m pretty addicted and content to Emule and Video games which makes it more difficult). I equate everything to booze and weed because most of the people around me that I got along with were only concerned with beer or weed (especially first and last semesters at SUNY tech and Mike Parker when I was at OCCC).

So these are why I’m so addicted to emule like the guy in the article is addicted to breaking bottles, though the semantics are different, in rough descending order of contribution:

• GREED for me (I want everything I want!) — The ‘copying’ obsession
• GREED for others (I want everybody else to have everything they want!) — The ‘copying’ obsession
• EGO for people hoarding what I have in my hoard (People like what I like!)
• Facilitates and preserves access and acquisition to pnp Roleplaying games such as Dungeons and Dragons (Obsession merger)
• Facilitates and preserves access and acquisition to Video Games (Obsession merger)
• Facilitates and preserves access and acquisition to Science and Astronomy (Obsession merger)
• (Combined with Burners and cheap blank media): Difficult for authority figures to prevent access to stuff or take stuff away from me whether parents, bosses, cops, or FBIs!
• (Combined with Burners and cheap blank media): Difficult for authority figures to prevent access to stuff or take stuff away from other people, particularly citizens of countries with oppressive governments!

My father is ISTP and my mother is INFJ and I am INTP (InT*P). I think if I wasn??t austistic I think I would in the ISTP or INTP range. I think i am more genetically ??S?? than ??N?? but it is mild mild enough for me to swayed to ??N?? by my mother-dominant upbringing (b/c of divorce). My autism is definitly amplifying my T and I (more pronounced on T).

As for Enneagram I know I am a 5 with a fairly equal 4 and 6. My mother is type 9. I am unsure of my Father’s Enneagram type. I think it is 5 with a lot of 3 and 6-wing but I’m not all that sure. I’m 5 then 9 then 4 then 6 (5 has clear lead, 9 moderatley separated from 4, 4 just a tiny bit ahead of 6). I’m pretty sure my Autism has boosted all my withdrawn types (I was probably already 5 but now i’m just that more of a 5 as autistic and my 4 and 6 are elevated also and the 9 is probably equal share of autsim and mother-dominant upbringing).

Scientific brain linked to autism

I think 70% of my Autistic traits come from my Father and 30% from my Mother, but my Mother might be more likely to parent an autistic person than my father because of the type of people each is attracted too. My father has a dumb/strong and a smart/down to earth geneline and my mom is average intelligence but more dreamer/emotional and I seem to be a dreamier version of my father.

Autistic brains ‘never daydream’
“Daydreaming” Network Fails In Autism

I think my autstic brain is the opposite. I can daydream all the time. Its harder to make my brain intellectually or simulationating or scnario-izing idle than to not daydream.

And I also think most (probably all) of the 15 people are are AS, HFA, or high-functioning PDD-NOS as I don’t think how they can keep an LFA still in them machines.

Kinda cool that intellectual centers don’t deactivate. With natural selection not looking down on High-Functing Autsim and Asperger’s anymore, I’m pretty sure if a right genetic niche is found (max intellectual boost min sensory and language deficit), it could end up spinning off a new para-human race without the need for genetic engineering. I bet there would be tens or even hundreds of thousands of super-einsteins if HFA and AS people and high-IQ non-ASD people were selectively bred for intelligence and wisdom like the colonial negro slave-farms of western Africa in the 16th-18th centeries were bred for muscle and obediance (dumbness implied). I’m pretty sure about 70% of the major technological advances in the world is from an AS/HFA person, including the Nuke Bomb (indirect from Einstein).

Recruiting Abuses Mount as Army Struggles to Meet Goals

I would’ve easily gotten into any branch of the miltary despite my Autism. After taking the ASVAB in 1993 I was solicited by a military recruiter (mostly Airforce and Navy but also Army and Marines too) once every week or two. I’m pretty sure the military/goverment has a lot of aspies and High-functoing Auties (they usually look like aspies in adulthood possibly with more stimming). I don’t think many recruiters have autism or asperger’s screening policies.

I didn’t know the military rejects autistics like they reject gays. I’ll know that as a draft-dodging method incase George Bush starts some more wars with Iran and beyond. I’m pretty sure most intellectual types can conjur up an asperger’s diagnosis these days. The stigma is going down. It used to be avoid the dreaded autism label at all costs. Now its pretty even when its stigma versus screwing the goverment out of welfare and disability because the stigma is less and the welfare is more. Now add draft dodging….

I noticed the no special-stuff for 12-months so i guess there is not explicit exclusion for autism, but there is still a nice anti-draft exploit though.? This jared guy looks like probably can function without special-ed.? Special-ed has inferior academic standards so you end up academically inferior if you spend too much time in all-day special-ed.? Its probably why i was ‘tweened’ alot in 3rd, 5th, and 6th grade (put in a regular classroom for my stronger subjects).? I was fulltime mainstream (no chaperone teacher in the back of the room either) in 1st, 2nd, 4th, and 7th+ grades.

I was Autistic at birth (according to my mother) but not officially diagnosed until I was 3 or 4, after moving from AZ to CT. I don’t think any vaccine turned me from normal to autistic. I Never had Ritalin. Ritalin is nothing but kiddie-weed. You take 6 pills instead of the prescribed 1 or 2 pills and you can get high. Kids sell this stuff in middle schools (4th-6th grade usually) for 50 cents a bag. My nephew got prescribed retialin for ADHD and he only likes it to get high.

I think the confusion is that the core french fry and possibly the base cooking oil is gluten free, but the flavoring that they add to the fries have gluten-containing ingredients.
I never had a gluten or casiene free diet.? For a summer in my early 20s I’ve lived almost entirely off of mcdonalds food becuase I worked their a summer and always worked the closing shift (4pm-midnight).? I gained 20-30 pounds just over that summer though.? I even some times take timed release protien supplements when I do excercise (I also take half-doeses with my average of 1 flu sicknesses per year).? I use Pro-Blend 55 and it has Micro Ultra Filtered Whey Protein concentrate, Egg Albumen, Micellar Casein, Micro Ultra Filtered Whey Protein Isolate, Ion Exchanged Whey protein Isolate, Hydrolyzed Whey Protein Isolate.? Check out http://www23.netrition.com/pro_blend_page.html

They are discount but no longer the cheapest but they have exceptional product descriptions and FDA-like labels for almost all of their products.? Beware that they do sell steroids (mostly mutant steroids) and stimulant enhancers though.

My official Autism diagnosis is ‘atypical’, but it dates from the late ’70s. I think I fit into the DSMIV category of ‘High Functioning Autism’. I have had childhood language delay but my public world disability level right now is more like Asperger’s Syndrome. I do have a driver’s license and though i’ve been intermittently in small classrooms in elementery through middleschool, i’ve been fully mainstreamed in high school without an expensive taxpayer salaried chaparone and I have a bachelor’s degree in computer science. I think college is great for HFA and especially asperger’s people. Work doesn’t work well with any autism though unless its a laid back research-oriented environment, though I do have a job but have had my share of adaptation problems, primarly with stress and deadlines, don’t fix what ain’t broke, and stick on a single, somebody else’s task.

Are you sure this guy is fully autistic or is he really asperger’s?? I think HFA (High-Functioning Autism) and Asperger’s Sydrome are frequently cross-diagnosed.? More autistic people are diagnosed Asperger’s because of the Autism label stigma, but some are cross diagnosed the opposite way.